Consent as a Weapon of Control

And using it to justify prejudice

Consent Mini!! June 25 + 27

Consent is a beautiful, liberating mode of moving through the world. It is a tool for building lasting relationships. But all too often I see consent used as a method of control. “I didn’t consent to that,” or, “You need to ask consent before you do that” in instances where it simply does not belong.

Examples

•       I’ve processed something that happened between me and a friend with a different friend. The friend I’m processing about tells me they didn’t “give consent” for me to talk about them when they’re not around.

•       I tell a story that upsets or triggers someone. They say I should’ve asked for consent to tell the story.

•       In a people pleasing or fawn/appeasement response, someone said yes, and then later accuses the other person of pressuring them simply because the person was excited about what they were asking, or perhaps were perceived to be in a position of some amount of power.

•       Someone does something with someone, later regrets it or wouldn’t do it again if given the chance, then retroactively looks for where the other person didn’t explicitly ask for permission or could have practiced consent more thoroughly. (More on regret soon…)

[Artist unknown.]

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