Good Person Complex

What is it and what can we do about it?

Unblocked: Moving through creative block with a self-consent practice starts 5/15.

First, recognize it.

Symptoms:

• you experience being called in as an attack

• when someone gives you feedback that something you said/did was racist, trans- or homophobic, etc., you feel they are questioning your character and 'goodness'

• Defensiveness that prevents accountability

• Savior complex

• Binary thinking (good-bad, right-wrong, amongst others)

Common phrases:

• "After all I've done for you..."

• "I'm not __________" (insert: racist, transphobic, sexist, etc.)

• "I was friendzoned" (there's no such thing)

• "But I'm a nice person"

• "Those people who violate consent are disgusting," and the like

Also:

• You often feel taken advantage of/taken for granted, and so you feel owed

• Lots of 'sorry's' but no accountability

• A swiftness to attack the caller-inner to flip/deflect blame

• Martyring

• Fixation on your own intention

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Now, before we all start talking about "those people," remember that you and I are doing it too. This is in all of us to varying degrees. Start by noticing how you also do these things so you can begin to catch yourself. Hold off on pointing a finger of blame before introspecting. This will allow you to call others in with compassion, which is how people hear us best.