You will definitely abuse the power you refuse to acknowledge you have.

The dynamism of power dynamics.

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Power dynamics are dynamic. They are constantly shifting and changing, and they are not always intuitively comprehended just because someone accrues more or new power. They take time to understand and are extremely complex.

There's never only one power dynamic in place because even within an obvious power dynamic like boss-employee, there are dynamics of identity, experience, age, positionality, background, etc. Many power dynamics are relative and subjective based on values...

Painting by Lucio Fontana

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A perceived power dynamic can reveal someone's values.

•       Ex. Age: one person may value youth while the other values experience.

•       Ex. Education: one person may value a degree while the other values someone's ability to educate themself and stay away from institutional education.

You’re more likely to abuse a power dynamic if you don’t believe you have any power.

This often sounds like:

•       "How could they find me intimidating? I'm nobody."

•       "I don't have that kind of influence."

•       "How is that my responsibility?"

•       "But I'm a 'nice person.’”

•       You find yourself ignoring the evidence of your impact or effect on others

We can't mitigate the effects of a power dynamic if we deny we have any power. This is why confidence is a crucial part of consent.

Journal Q’s

•       When have you not given someone all the space you could have to say no to you?

•       When have you crossed someone else’s boundaries in order to get something you want or need, or perhaps not checked in about what their boundaries were?

•       When have you ignored cues of discomfort in yourself or someone else because of a need, a desire, or a goal?

•       When have you not updated the (implicit or explicit) agreement for fear of things changing?

•••

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Hi, I’m Mia. I found consent through Intimacy Coordination and fell in love with it so much that I decided to dedicate my life to making it as widely available as possible.

I offer classes on consent and creativity, people pleasing, the romantic comedy, as well as trainings for people who want to learn to teach consent. You can read more and sign up at consentwizardry.com.

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