You’ve made people uncomfortable and they haven’t told you.

But whyyyyy?

Upcoming classes:

• Unblocked: Cultivating secure attachemnt with your creativity 10/16

• Grief on the Boundaries and Consent Journey with Brooks 10/22

Given my line of work as a consent educator and intimacy coordinator, people often tell me, “I don’t ever want anyone to do anything they’re not comfortable with.” Unfortunately, my response is always, “You can never be sure of that.”

You can, you have, and you will again make people uncomfortable. So have I. I’m not saying this is how I think the world should work, but I’m being realistic about the way things do work. How often do you not tell someone when they've made you uncomfortable? Pretty often, right? Maybe even usually. Let's turn that logic on ourselves: it's reasonable to assume that we are making people uncomfortable and they're not telling us. Frequently. This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or that you're bad. We have to learn to live with this truth.

Below the paywall…

• But why aren’t they telling me?

• “I’ve never made anyone do anything they weren’t comfortable with so why would someone like me need an intimacy coordinator?”

• Perfectionism has no place in consent.

• Why do we think we’re the exception?

Being a paid subscriber supports getting anti-carceral consent education as far and wide as possible. My Substack subscription is $9. If you’d like to follow along but need a lower price, email hello@sharetheloadinc.com for a 25% off code.

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Nicolas de Stael