The gradations of what you've experienced and what you've done.

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This post deals directly with the ideas of rape and sexual assault and I share specific stories of sexual assault.

In 2017 during the international uproar around Harvey Weinstein and the rise of the #metoo movement that followed, we saw a polarization, a binary, very black and white thinking around what was considered consensual and nonconsensual sex. We saw the binaries of consensual or nonconsensual, consensual or rape, wanted or unwanted, so that any nonconsensual sex or sexual touch was perceived as rape. We lost a lot of important grey space and nuance in the wide spectrum of sexual assault as all sexual assault and even sexual harassment was seen as akin to or as rape.¹

This has changed in the years since, and I think this is important. It’s important to be able to understand the gradations of what may have happened to you. It’s invaluable to be able to talk about an experience you had that could range from less than desirable to really icky and unwanted, without identifying as or labeling yourself as or being seen as a victim of rape if this is not how you feel about what happened.

Beyond the paywall…

[For those who commit sexual assault] it’s important to be able to understand the gradations of what you may have done.

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